


Burnished Amber

by Rag



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, F/F, Fusion, Grief/Mourning, Homeworld is Horrible, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship(s), dubcon metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-10-20 01:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rag/pseuds/Rag
Summary: Homeworld's progress on the Cluster is being disrupted by the Crystal Gems. But rather than send Jasper with Peridot and Lapis, they decide to fight fire with fire - fusion with fusion. Yellow Diamond orders two of her finest warriors to fuse and wipe the remnants of Rose's army from the puny planet before they have a chance to fight back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> if fusion is a relationship metaphor this is dubcon, because homeworld is terrible

Jasper is tense. She's always tense - she was engineered to have a burning buzz of fury under her skin at all times, so she can berserk at a moment’s notice on the field. But the past few months, she’s been especially tense, ever since she’d gotten word of trouble stirring up … _there_. She had been there when _it_ happened. She was part of why Homeworld failed against Rose Quartz’s puny, pathetic forces, and part of why Pink Diamond was shattered before her and thousands of other Homeworld gems by that hideous, profane amalgamation of a fusion. Because she had been too weak, too new and overwhelmed, to do what needed to be done. She was lucky that the Diamonds had spared her from the scrambling ray. She would live up to that choice. She would become deserving of it.

She knows it’s only a matter of time before the Diamonds assign her back there. This time, she would not fail. When the Diamonds call on her, she will be ready. She will strike the remaining rebels with terrifying force and accuracy. She will shatter their shards to powder and scatter the dust across the galaxy. It’s all she can think about until the summons comes. 

And sure enough, it does come. A Carnelian from another failed Earth kindergarten, disgustingly weak and small, knocks on the door of her chambers. Jasper doesn’t bother to address her. Her rank is low enough that she doesn’t need to, and even though she would do anything for the Diamonds, she would be loathe to respect this little clod. If it was up to Jasper, all of these failures from the Earth colonies would be shattered or harvested immediately. They’re way too close to her cut for comfort – she shudders to think how close she came to being so completely worthless – but more importantly, they’re a reminder of everything she and the rest of Homeworld failed to do during the Rebellion. Mistakes like _this_ are the reason Pink Diamond is dead.

“J-J-Jasper 0426X! You’re wanted by th-th-th-th-“

Jasper feels what little patience she has depleting. She clenches her fist to keep the rage under control. She wants so badly to shatter the little runt, but that is not the will of the Diamonds.

The Carnelian’s voice cracks into a yelp. “The Diamonds! Come to the Hall of the Diamonds! That is all!” She salutes and waits to be dismissed, her tiny legs shaking a bit in her boots.

Jasper flicks her wrist. “Get out of my sight.”

The Carnelian is quick to obey. Jasper watches her stupid little legs scamper down the hallway until she’s out of sight. Then she heads to the Hall of her Diamonds. The Diamonds are all perfect, flawless beings, but Jasper is glad that she was placed under Yellow’s forces. Of the three remaining Diamonds, Yellow’s attitude was the most in line with Jasper’s own goals, and the most likely to carry out missions that would have her achieve them. Conquer. Succeed. Right the mistakes of the past with brutal, unfailing strength and wit.

Jasper flashes her credentials on the scanner in front of the entrance, and the massive doors open just enough for her to fit through, then close behind her. The Hall of the Diamonds is the largest structure in the space colony, because aside from the Diamond ships (where they kept their private quarters), it was the only place they could navigate comfortably. They had plenty of droids and underlings to do the littler, less important work in the littler, less important arenas. Jasper has been here a handful of times since she was removed from Earth, and the bigness of it always dizzies her. Yellow Diamond’s throne is hundreds of times larger than her. The Diamonds never fail to shock Jasper with their sheer magnitude. But she does not forget her conduct as she walks the long stretch of the room. She feels Yellow Diamonds eyes on her, but she does not look up. It is not the place of a gem of her stature to make direct eye contact with a Diamond. Out of the corner of her eye, sees several powerful high-ranking gems of the court assembled in the room, along with a few Ruby squads.

When she gets close enough, she gives the Diamond salute. “Jasper 0426X reporting in, My Diamond.”

“Jasper. You were present on Earth during the Revolution.” Yellow Diamond speaks slowly and deliberately, her voice filling the room. “You saw the rebel fusion as it formed, did you not?” 

“I did, My Diamond.”

“Mm. Are you aware of our fusion experiment in the planet’s core?”

“Yes, My Diamond.”

“We sent a Peridot to check on it. She reports that the rebels are still active, and using their filthy fusions to outmatch our technology.”

Jasper’s blood boils with rage and anticipation.

“Ruby 402XV-Delta, step forward.”

Jasper looks over to where a serious-looking Ruby emerges from the sidelines, and takes her place beside Jasper. Her luster is more faded than Jasper has ever seen on a Ruby. She was an old gem, maybe as old as her – something that was shockingly unusual for such a disposable class. This Ruby was probably exceptionally skilled, to have gone this long without being shattered.

“Jasper. You and this Ruby will form a multi-gem fusion. ”

Bile rises in Jasper’s throat at the thought, but she forces herself to listen. She will carry out the will of the Diamonds. Even if it means _fusing_ with a _Ruby_.

“Each of you are the most accomplished soldiers in your class. Your multi-gem fusion should produce powerful, capable results. Additionally, you both have experience on that wretched planet, and you should know better than anyone else how to navigate it.” Yellow Diamond pauses and looks between the two of them, the corner of her lip curling in amusement or disgust, Jasper can’t tell. “We do not expect any trouble from you, but failure to comply with the order of the Diamonds will result in an immediate shattering of your fusion. Is that understood?”

“Yes, My Diamond,” they both say at once.

“Very well. Fuse.”

Jasper turns to the Ruby. Yellow Diamond confirmed that she’d spent time on Earth, but Jasper doesn’t recognize her. Her gem is set in her eye, indicating a particularly focused drive. Her expression is openly disgusted, and Jasper doesn’t blame her. This is a repulsive thing they’re being ordered to do, and it goes against so much of what Jasper values. But it is the will of the Diamonds. She exists to serve them. Every gem exists to serve them.

It’s easy to recall how _that_ fusion had formed. It’d haunted her for the centuries, all those absurd, disgusting little dances. All those random gems, any gem that had wanted to join it, each of them with its own stupid little dance that had conglomerated into that huge, cacophonous monstrosity. The monstrosity that had drawn her giant sword and plunged it into Pink Diamond’s back. Over and over and over. The first blow had happened so fast, and then Jasper was frozen in place. It was over, she knew, but the fusion kept going, kept stabbing her … If forming this fusion would bring those heinous crimes to justice, that’s more than enough for Jasper. 

She holds out her hand to the Ruby, stooping over so she can take it. The Ruby takes it awkwardly, and the two fall into a stiff, forced waltz. Their steps are locked and sharp, and they move completely out of step with each other, with no music to guide them. Jasper feels like she’s burning from within. Being made to do _this_ , with a Ruby she doesn’t even know, but one who’s surely heard all about her failures on Earth … and with the eyes of thirty-some high-ranking gems watching on in disgust, including her Diamond … part of her wants to be shattered now. _No. What a pathetic, useless thought. I exist to serve the Diamonds. I am their tool. And this is what they are having their tool do. How dare I wish for anything they don’t want? My shattering is not for me to decide._

Jasper and the Ruby dance stiffly together for a few moments more, and Jasper tries to quiet the whirlpool of her treasonous thoughts.

Yellow Diamond’s voice booms from above. “Shouldn’t something be happening by now?” she asks, clearly annoyed.

“I-I’m sorry, My Diamond, I’ll work faster,” she says, but she doesn’t actually have any idea what she’s doing. She doubles her speed and pulls the Ruby along.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” the Ruby asks quietly.

“Fusing with you.”

“Slow down! Haven’t you done this before?”

“Of course not.”

“You _have_ to relax,” she says through her teeth.

Relax, sure, with a Diamond watching her _fuse_.

“Just, breathe, and follow my lead,” the Ruby says, and sets a new pace for them. It’s calmer, and more ordered. A Quartz soldier, following a Ruby’s lead, how absurd. But the Ruby _is_ better at this, and Jasper focuses on breathing and 

The next thing she knows, she’s different. She’s _more_. She sees through three eyes, and all the gems in the room are staring at her … _them_ in abject horror. Yellow Diamond looks especially repulsed, like she was looking at a gem shard caught in the blades of a ship’s propellers. But she (who _is_ she? What is she? She doesn’t know) feels … really good, really big. And she _is_ big. She’s maybe a third the size of Yellow Diamond. She forces herself to stay still, but she wants to flee. The need to be alone burns with its fervor. She _needs_ to be alone to explore this, to understand herself better. Everything is so sharp, and there’s an overwhelming exhilaration coursing through her veins that she’s never felt before. Jasper wants to scream, laugh, run, and unfuse all at once. It’s overwhelming. But she forces herself to stay calm.

_What is this?_

Jasper understands, somehow, that she’s hearing Ruby’s thoughts. She feels them from within herself, echoing inside of her.

_Don’t you know? Haven’t you done this before? I thought Rubies do this a lot._

_This is different. This is … it’s never like this._

It’s unsettling, having her thoughts answered by someone else inside of her. She doesn’t know exactly where the line between her and Ruby ends. It’s uncomfortable. It’s weird.

“Interesting,” Yellow Diamond says, and the fusion’s attention snaps to her. “You seemed to have formed into a Citrine Quartz. Remain still for the inspection.”

“Yes, My Diamond,” Citrine says, and crosses four arms into two Diamond salutes, and realizes that she has four arms. She wonders what else she has, but she has not been given permission to look. The will of the Diamonds is to remain still, and that was what she would do.

An unusually large Ametrine rises and makes her way over to Citrine. She handles Citrine with detached bluntness.

 _Where were you stationed on Earth?_ Jasper wonders.

_Sector 4B2XY._

_Ah. That’s why we never met. I was in sector 2UW. There wouldn’t have been any overlap in our factions._

_I know._

_What? How?_

_I know all about your heroism during the rebellion. You’re my idol. I’ve wanted to meet you for so long. It’s an honor, Jasper. I …_

The Ruby’s thoughts trail off, but Jasper can feel them. Ruby wishes that the circumstances of their meeting were more neutral. She wishes they were something safe and understandable, instead of being made to fuse with her in front of a bunch of upper-crust Gems, then poked and prodded like a science experiment.

Jasper barely starts to formulate some mild scolding in the vein of _you would dare to question the will of the-_

She feels Ruby bristle. _No! I didn’t say it! And I didn’t want you to hear it!_

_Heh. Fair enough. This is … weird._

_Tell me about it! God. You’ll get to meet Jasper, they said! Oh boy, I thought! I didn’t think I would have Jasper sharing my brain with me!_

“Is something _funny_ , fusion?” Revulsion drips from Yellow Diamond’s voice.

“No, My Diamond. Sorry, My Diamond.”

Yellow Diamond grimaces and looks away, like she was repulsed to even have to look at Citrine. Citrine burns with shame. It felt so surprisingly _good_ to be her, but everyone, _everyone_ was so disgusted-

_Because we are disgusting. We are a disgusting multi-gem fusion. Yes. We are disgusting. We are their tools._

“And will you _stop_ that infernal muttering? It’s downright disturbing.”

“Yes, My Diamond. Sorry, My Diamond.”

Citrine hadn’t realized she _was_ muttering, but stopping was no problem. She would just stop thinking to herself in any coherent matter. The feelings that she wished she could get away from the Ametrine’s cold, dispassionate hands, touching her all over, forcing her limbs into uncomfortable angles and noting this or that down on her holopad, those were just feelings. The will of the Diamonds was to not communicate. So, it was the will of Citrine, as well. 

Communicating was nice. Jasper misses it, and she feels Ruby miss it. It feels sick and wrong to be _this_ close, and totally unable to talk to each other. Later, they could communicate later. The thought lifts both their spirits a bit. They both work to keep their minds as clear as possible during the rest of the inspection. 

It feels like it takes hours, but it does end, eventually. Ametrine shares the documents with Yellow Diamond, who pores over them. No one bothers to address Citrine. With every moment, the urge to communicate grows stronger. Yellow Diamond taps between her screens. She seems completely unaware of the struggle that is waging in Citrine.

_The will of the Diamonds. Obey the will of the Diamonds._

_Bite our tongue. We need to bite our tongue. Don’t speak. Stop thinking. Obey. We exist to obey._

“Citrine, unfuse.”

“Yes, My Diamond.”

Citrine tries. She imagines unfusing. She imagines the two separate parts of her, independent again. The flash of light and then separate beings. She closes her eyes and concentrates.

“ _Citrine,_ ” Yellow Diamond repeats, “you _will_ unfuse.”

Fear. The possibility of disobeying a direct order. Being unable to conform to the will of the Diamonds would prove correct everything that Jasper was most afraid of about herself – that the Diamonds had made a mistake sparing her from the scrambling ray, and they were only keeping her around because they didn’t know how inept she _really_ was. And at the same time, Jasper feels a different fear. Fear that Ruby would bring shame to her squad, or worse, that her ineptitude would reflect poorly on her entire squad. That centuries of battle would mean nothing in the face of failing to carry out a single order. A Ruby wasn’t supposed to live this long – they would chalk it up to that, and shatter her for it. She’d lived too long, and everyone knew it, and they were all waiting for her to mess up so they could shatter her-

And the next thing Jasper knows, she’s on her back on the ground. She feels cold and more alone than she has in centuries. Which is irrational, and stupid, and she hates herself for even thinking it.

Yellow Diamond visibly relaxes. “Thank God. If you’d stayed fused another minute, I might have shattered you just so I wouldn’t have had to look at it anymore.”

Jasper swallows down the stupid shame. If Yellow Diamond found Citrine disgusting, then Citrine was disgusting. It was a statement of fact. Her shame was an embarrassment to her cut, and it was not worth entertaining.

“Jasper, you will take this Ruby to Earth and use Citrine to defeat the remaining rebels. Their forces are weak and you shouldn’t have too much trouble, given the strength of your fusion. You will take the Ruby’s eye ship. Do not draw attention to yourself until you’re ready to strike, and then wipe them from the solar system. Do not give them the advantage.”

“Yes, My Diamond.”

“That will be all.”

“Yes, My Diamond,” she repeats, this time together with the Ruby. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ruby leads Jasper down corridors she’s never been to the dock where her ship is stored. Jasper has seen Ruby sips before, and theoretically she knows how they work with the spatial plane manipulators, but she’s never been in one before, and she’s a little nervous about how incredibly _small_ the thing is from the outside. She doesn’t want to spend hours that close to any Gem, let alone this Ruby. She’s relieved to step in and find the interior impossibly, comfortably, breathably larger than the exterior. She still has to bend a bit to not hit her head on the ceiling – the ship is made for Rubies, after all – but it’s much better than the alternative.

The air between them feels thick and strained. They hadn’t spoken since they’d formed Citrine. _Does that mean we haven’t spoken at all?_ Jasper wonders, but it doesn’t seem right.

“Do you know the way to Earth?” she asks, and her voice cracks a little. She cringes at herself. She’s being _ridiculous_ , completely absurd. There’s absolutely no reason for her to be anything but commandeering around this little Gem. She’s a low-ranking foot soldier, made to be replaced. This one was unusually, impressively competent, true, but still just a Ruby. Why does she feel so compelled to be not just agreeable, but _friendly_ with this little Gem?

_You know why._

“No, but the computer does,” the Ruby says in her gruff, no-nonsense voice. She does something with her hands and a light-based keyboard beams up from the control pad. The Ruby presses a few buttons and watches intently as the screen flashes in a language Jasper hasn’t seen before. Silence hangs in the air as the Ruby clicks through a few more screens and buttons. “Brace yourself,” she finally says, and looks over to see Jasper hunched over beside her chair. “You’ll want to sit down and strap in. She’s a kicker.”

Jasper squeezes herself into one of the little Ruby-sized chairs and manages to stretch the straps enough to buckle herself down. A sound like a bell chimes, and the ship’s window visor opens, and then Jasper is forced back against her chair as the ship propels itself forward furiously fast. Before too long, though, it evens back out to an equilibrium, and Jasper can move again.

“Does it do that every time?” Jasper asks. She wants to kick herself. What is she thinking, making _small talk_ with a Ruby? Sure, this would take hours, but surely a few hours of painfully awkward silence would be better than disrespecting the rank system set forth by the Diamonds with cross-rank chatter. Plus, she was probably making the Ruby uncomfortable, if the long stretch of silence that follows is anything to go by – _stop caring so much what she thinks, you useless clod!_

“Yes,” the Ruby finally says. “It’s … it’s an old ship, but a good one. There aren’t enough resources to warrant fixing it with equilibrium tech, not when … “ She trails off. Jasper glances over, and it’s hilariously transparent that she’s barely holding back some strong opinions. Jasper can see the tense energy emanating from her.

“What?”

“A muddy Peridot examined it and said it was just a comfort issue, and we should just get used to it. But I know better! It’s not just a comfort issue! It’s a serious problem! She’s breaking down! And it’d be so much less resources to fix it now, I ran the math-“

“I didn’t know Rubies knew math,” Jasper says. 

The Ruby stops short with her mouth open. She closes it and thinks for a minute. “We used to be able to. We came with a wide berth of math and linguistic knowledge. Not anymore. The Diamonds don’t see the need to teach a soldier math.”

That made sense. The resource cuts were getting worse. Jasper hates to think what modern Jaspers look like. She’s glad to have never had the displeasure of running into one.

“Does that come up with your squad?” Jasper asks. “Relying on them to know something they weren’t made for?”

“It did at first. But we’ve had a long time to get to know each other. They’re all from different eras, and I know pretty well what each of them excel in and what they’re lacking.” She seems to be trying to keep her voice even, but she can’t keep some pride from creeping into her tone.

Jaspers work alone. Jasper has never commanded a squad, never been in a squad. Her Gem is a heavy unit intended to take down small and mid-size threats, while Rubies were engineered to take on large threats with their fusions. Jasper wonders what it must be like, having such close camaraderie with Gems so similar to you. Sharing quarters with them, fighting with them, fusing with them. But she can’t think of a way to ask the Ruby that isn’t overstepping bounds. Strictly speaking, she shouldn’t care. She should not be curious what it feels like to be another Gem. Every Gem is made with a clear and specific purpose, and they existed solely to fulfill that purpose. There is no place in Gem society for a Peridot to dream of the heat of battle, or a Pearl to want to be a technician, or an Agate to wonder how metalbending would feel. Or, for a Jasper to wonder what it would feel like to be a squad-based fusion fighter.

Before today, she never had. Before Citrine, probably. She hadn’t had a lot of time to think inside of Citrine, but when she’d been fused with the Ruby, Jasper felt like she was starting to have some of those experiences. They felt like the memory of a dream from weeks before. She wanted to ask the Ruby and learn more, clear up the blurry edges around what might or might not be a real shared memory. But that would be inappropriate.

The silence creeps back up. After the first few minutes, it becomes painful. Which is _wrong_. Jasper should not care. Why was she thinking so many forbidden thoughts today? Ever since Citrine – no, ever since Yellow Diamond suggested Citrine. Jasper couldn’t think straight about the whole fusion business. But she had to. If she let down Yellow Diamond, it would be a betrayal to everything she was, and it would be spitting on the omniscience of the Diamonds. She would not allow it. She would rather shatter herself. She has to be stronger than this.

“Uh. What,” the Ruby clears her throat and tries again, “what did the fusion feel like for you? Jaspers aren’t made to fuse like we are.”

Jasper thinks about that for a while, but nothing seems right to say. Nothing encompasses it fully, and nothing that gets close is something she would ever want to share. She thinks back to how much she’d told the Ruby when they were fused together and cringes. It was too much, too open. Why did fusing make it so easy to talk about things that should never be shared? 

No, why was she spending this much time thinking about such a question? This was horribly out of line for the Ruby to ask. She should scold her. She should put her in her place.

She opens her mouth to do so, and can’t bring herself to do it.

“How far are we from Earth?” she asks instead. She sees the Ruby deflate a little bit, and feels awful. Remorse. Over the thoughts and weak-willed actions of a Ruby soldier. _What have you become? You’re a Jasper, a Quartz soldier. You’re a Gem. Do not stoop._

“A half hour,” the Ruby says, her voice completely flat and even. Emotionless. 

Jasper sets her mouth and grits her teeth. She is disgusting, and so is the Ruby. She tries not to care.

The rest of the trip is quiet. Thick, tense silence, except for the hum of the ship’s processors. Jasper watches the planets and star systems zoon by them absently. The Ruby doesn’t speak again until they’re about to land, and then it’s only to tell Jasper as much. She’s back to strict, bare mission speak with military formalities. Which is good. It’s good. It needs to happen. She is beneath Jasper, and should act as such. Neither of them should afford any illusions to the contrary. Jasper is repulsed by every parts of her that wants to.

The door to the ship opens, and Jasper steps out into a field filled with giant strawberries and.

Here, this is where it happened. This is where her Diamond was shattered. It’s like she’s seeing it all over again. Thousands of Gems on the vast plain, shards tainted by the smashed red pulp of the berries. And there, on the other end of the field, that _thing_ driving its sword right into Pink Diamond’s gem-

“Why did you choose this location, Ruby?” she asks, forcing her voice to stay calm.

“This location?” The Ruby seems completely confused.

Jasper fights to keep herself from screaming. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“This is where the Peridot arranged to meet-“

“The Peridot wants to meet on the field where Pink Diamond was _killed?!”_

The Ruby blinks her eye and looks around. “This- we’re not there, Jasper.”

“We’re not-“ Jasper looks around and realizes the giant berries aren’t berries, but oak trees. The field is filled with wildflowers and grasses, but the Ruby is right – it’s not the same field. It’s way too small, and Jasper remembers there being an ocean within sight, while this field is just grass and trees as far as the eye can see.

An uncomfortable silence falls between them.

“She was your Diamond, wasn’t she?” the Ruby asks.

“Yes. Wasn’t she yours?”

She shakes her head. “Blue. She gave me to Yellow after she … “

“Oh.” That sounded horrid. Jasper can’t imagine the pain of having your Diamond _give you away_. She was taken in after her Diamond was killed, but to be cast off by the one who made you? “I’m sorry.”

“Tha-“ the Ruby stops in her tracks. Her posture stiffens and she looks away. And after a second, Jasper realizes why. The unspoken implication of that apology was questioning the will of the Diamonds. What is _wrong with her?!_

“That I thought you brought me here intentionally,” she adds quickly. She hopes it’s enough to recover from whatever the hell she’d just done.

The Ruby takes the bait. Or pretends to. Jasper has the strong feeling it’s an act, but she’s happy to play along.

“I understand,” she says. “The first time I was back here after the war, I couldn’t think straight. It’s good that another Ruby was in charge. She was an excellent leader, she knew how to keep us cool.”

“When did you come back? Why?”

“A few hundred years after. We wanted to check on the status of the rebels. We found their numbers small and pathetic enough that we didn’t need to expend any additional resources on them. After that, it’s been to collect shards for the Cluster.”

“Ah.”

“It gets easier, being here. You make new connections to the place, and you remember that instead. We have to look forward.”

How was this little Ruby was so damn _smart_? Every time Jasper thought she had the Ruby’s number, she gave her something else to be damnably, inappropriately impressed by. She hopes the Diamonds were appreciative – no, that they were making appropriate use of her skills. There was a lot that would go to waste if they employed her like an average Ruby.

Before Jasper can respond, a Peridot ship lands beside them, and an unusually thin Peridot gets out and briefs them on the situation. The rebels had been disturbing her regular status checks on the Cluster for a few weeks now. Their numbers were sparse enough that they should give this … _fusion_ project no trouble. It’s clear from her tone (and the open grimace on her face when she says the word) that the Peridot is just as disgusted by their idea of their multi-gem fusion as everyone else has been. Jasper restrains herself from reminding the Peridot that she had shattered stronger Gems with a single arm, and that it was not her place to question the will of the Diamonds. It wasn’t worth it, to waste her energy on this pathetic, judgmental little runt. Besides, the glower that she gives the little clod shuts her up well enough.

The Peridot tells them where the rebels are located, and at what hours they tended to be active. She offers to accompany them.

“There’s no need for that,” Jasper says. The idea of having this obnoxious nerd watching her and the Ruby fuse is less than appealing.

“Very well. I’ve been given instructions to inform you that the Diamonds want you to become comfortable with your … project before attempting to engage the rebels. Quote. The rebels have had centuries to master their hideous fusions, so you must be at least somewhat comfortable with yours. Do not allow them this advantage. Take no more than a few weeks, but do not stop too soon. And know that if you indulge in any treasonous indiscretions, we will send a double squad Ruby fusion to break you to pieces. End quote.”

Jasper keeps her face calm as her blood chills. Could the Diamonds read her thoughts? Was it _that_ apparent that she’d been having unspeakable ideas? She has to be better than this. She sees the Ruby’s stance go a bit rigid beside her.

“Good,” she says evenly. “That’s all, Peridot.”

The Peridot lingers, looking at her expectantly.

“Thank you,” she grits out.

The Peridot gives her that smug, shit-eating grin and turns back for her ship, leaving Jasper and the Ruby alone with their instructions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a short chapter

Two legs. Two arms. One head. Citrine is surprised by how normal she seems. She’s almost like a Gem that had burst from the crust, instead of an amalgamate of artificial cross-Gem fusion. But when she runs her hand down her face, she feels three eyes all on the right side, forming a disgusting alien triangle. On the other side sits Ruby’s Gem, right where an eye should be.

No wonder the Diamond Court was so disgusted with them. They’re a monster.

_It makes sense. It’d be weird if we weren’t a freak._

_You’re right._

_Let’s see what weapons we have_ , the Ruby says, and Jasper feels herself smile at the glee she hears in Ruby’s voice. She calls to mind her weapon, but nothing happens.

 _No, Jasper, you can’t just-_ Ruby sounds exasperated. _You have to do it in sync with me._

_Oh._

They count off together and then summon the weapon together. There’s a flash of light. When Citrine looks around – she can look in so many directions at once, and as freakish as it is, she has to admit it’s useful – she sees not just her gauntlets and her helped, but sharp, offensive padding on her hands, feet, knees, elbows, and shoulders. There’s a plate-like armor covering her torso, which seems to get stronger and weaker depending on her focus. It’s a bit tricky, but after a few hours, she figures out how to keep it up all the time.

So, she’ll be a close-range fighter. Citrine is glad. This is what both of them were made for. It feels right.

It’s quieter inside the fusion this time. Jasper feels Ruby forcing her thoughts away so that Jasper can’t hear them, and she can feel that it’s coming from a similar set of painful feelings that Jasper’s been struggling with, too. That Ruby, too has been thinking forbidden, treasonous thoughts that terrified and repulsed her. Somehow, it’s so much easier to silence those ideas inside Citrine. Any beginnings of that line of thought is shut down immediately and with iron resolve. They have a mission, and they’re both committed to seeing it through. They’re ready. They’re focused.

And with that, Citrine knows that she’s ready. She unfuses in a flash, and Jasper is laying on the ground, feeling that unsettling coldness that never seems to get any easier to deal with.

It’s time to find the rebels.

-

Jasper and Ruby follow the Peridot’s instructions. They move quickly through the forest and eventually find themselves along the shore of a beach. Jasper forces herself to focus on the present, instead of the memories that try to claw their way up to the surface of her mind. She has a goal. She will set everything right.

Ruby is the first to spot them. She grabs Jasper’s arm to stop her and points them out to her. They’re easy to recognize, because while most of them are unfused (there’s a Pearl, a pathetic defective little Amethyst, and a human captive), there’s _that one_ , that same on from before, the Garnet. Jasper can’t take her eyes off her. There she is, watching over the other Gems, fused. Not even _doing_ anything with her fusion, just like she was before. Just fused, all the time.

She looks so happy. They all look so happy.

Jasper realizes that beneath the thick layer of hatred, she’s jealous. And she’s furious with them for daring to have so much _fun_ after what they’d done.

And the next thing Jasper knows, she’s fused into Citrine, and the rebels are staring at her. An unspeakably stupid, moronic mistake. The Garnet shouts something, and they all retreat into their base.

 _Damn it!_ Barely one step into the mission and she’d already failed. She has to make this better. She has to crush them. Citrine charges, faster than she knew she was capable of.

She’s only halfway there when she sees a massive fusion flash, and then a hideous monstrosity rises up from the ground like a disgusting centipede. Six arms, two faces, god knows how many eyes. She’s big, but not much bigger than Citrine. Citrine knows she can win. She pounces onto the fusion as soon as she can, knocking it over. It roars and opens its misshapen lower mouth, spewing icy hot flame that catches Citrine off guard. And it’s enough for the fusion – an Alexandrite, Citrine realizes – to throw Citrine off guard, and regain its footing.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” she asks, in a voice that sounds like so many Gems in one.

Citrine draws her weapons. “To finish what you started.” She hurls a flurry of punches at the fusion, and manages to land a few. Alexandrite jumps back. She draws a flail from her chest and swings at Citrine, but Citrine dodges. Citrine charges her, but Alexandrite catches her in four of her six disgusting arms and holds her in place.

“There’s nothing for Homeworld here,” it grits out.

Citrine laughs. She easily shakes herself from Alexandrite’s grip and headbutts her, sending her flying hundreds of feet back. Citrine is getting a feel for Alexandrite’s strength, and it’s not much compared to hers. She won’t go down without a fight, but she would go down, Citrine is sure. _Finally, finally, finally, we’ll set everything right, we’ll prove our worth, we’ll do what we need to do, we’ll finally do something right._  She charges Alexandrite again and smashes an armored foot into her torso, keeping her on the ground. Alexandrite grabs her with a myriad of disgusting arms.

“Do you think this is about _resources,_ traitors? You shattered a Diamond!”

Two of Alexandrite’s arms loosen their grip, and in a voice that’s distinct from the others, she asks, “You did _what_?” Another set of voices answers. “There’s no time! Get her off of us!” And then all at once, with a burst of strength Citrine hadn’t accounted for, she throws Citrine off.

Something about the exchange sets Citrine on edge, but she doesn’t know what. That at least one of the rebels didn’t know what was going on. She doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like the idea of killing someone for a crime they didn’t commit. It’s wrong. But it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it’s the will of the Diamonds-

She realizes that Alexandrite is drawing a bow from one of its several gems and aiming it at Citrine’s weakly-guarded middle. _Focus!_ Light flashes and the plate armor manifests just in time, and the arrow merely knocks the wind out of her, rather than forcing her in two.

She has to focus. She _has_ to wind. Everything she’d failed to do so far, she has to make up for it tenfold, and prove to Homeworld that she was worth their faith in her.

Alexandrite yells something, and a giant hammer materializes in one of her hands.

Citrine is afraid. And she hates herself for being afraid. She can take this fusion, easily. She should have taken it down already. This should be over. This would be over, if she wasn’t such a weak Gem, such a pathetic combination of failures. This Alexandrite is just a shade of the fusion that took down Pink Diamond, and she can’t even hold it down.

_Focus!_

She ducks out of the way of a swing of the hammer and charges Alexandrite. She tackles her down, and brings her armored elbows down hard on that gross third set of insectile arms. Alexandrite screams, and the hammer falls out of her hand and poofs away into nothingness.

“How _dare_ you step out of your roles?” Citrine asks her. “How do you live with yourselves?”

“Why do we need the roles?” it grits out. “Why should we kill ourselves for them?”

Citrine should shatter her now. She wants to. But more than that, she wants to hear what Alexandrite has to say for herself. Because Citrine is weak. That is the glue that holds them together. It’s getting harder to focus, as much as she knows she needs to _focus_ , _focus, focus!_

“Because they’re the Diamonds!” she says, and her voice sounds strange and frantic. “They made us to serve them! They created us!”

“It’s not right. You feel it, don’t you?”

Citrine feels the words strike through her like lightning.

_Yes._

_No, no no no, what are we thinking, what am I thinking-_

“You don’t have to serve them.”

Citrine’s mind is whirring. “Yes we do, we-“

“Now!”

Citrine realizes several things at once, too late. First, she’d lessened her grip, like the weak, useless, loathsome Gem she is. She fell right into their stupid trap (is it a trap if you walk directly into it? Is it a trap if you open a closed door and lock yourself in the room?). Second, Alexandrite had summoned a dagger. Third, there was a weak spot in Citrine’s armor, right in the center of her chest.

Fourth, the dagger was lodged into that weak spot.

And then she feels herself split in two, she feels the chilly pain of Ruby’s absence, and then everything vanishes as her physical form poofs away.


	4. Chapter 4

Jasper reforms more quickly than she knew she could. She’s exhausted, almost like she’s reformed a little _too_ quickly, but god is she glad she did because she’s just in time to see one of _them_ bubbling Ruby. Her blood runs cold and she charges them with a burst of strength that seems to come from nowhere.

 _“Put her down!”_ she screams. The Garnet’s hand hovers over the top of the bubble. “Don’t touch her, traitors!”

The Garnet does something with her hand, and before Jasper has a chance to reach her, the bubble vanishes. There, and then gone. They’ve probably to their disgusting base, where they’ll shatter her from within that bubble. Denying her the dignity of putting up a fight. Like the cowardly, disgusting traitors they are.

The will to fight just drains from Jasper. Her mind reels, she feels like all the blood has been drained from her body. She stops in her tracks and falls to her knees. She doesn’t hear anything over the swirling hurricane of thoughts.

_Failure. Failure. You failed so completely, so utterly. You deserve to be shattered. You failed the Diamonds. You failed her._

And then she hears the heavy footsteps of the Garnet, just a few feet from her.

She doesn’t look up. “Just get it over with,” she says quietly.

The Garnet is quiet for a moment. Jasper braces herself for it. She wonders what it’ll feel like, to just stop existing. She’s scared, but she doesn’t care anymore.

“I’m not going to shatter you.”

“Why not? You shattered _her_. Why leave me alive?”

“We didn’t shatter her.” Her voice is too calm for the situation. Jasper almost feels hopeful, but there’s no way this could be as good as it seems.

“You’ll keep her your prisoner, then? Torture her until she tells you what you want? She’ll never do it. She’s strong, she’s seen things you can’t imagine, she’ll never-“

“No,” she says flatly. “We can take you to where she is.”

Another one of them, the Amethyst, comes up beside them. “You’d be there too if you didn’t reform so fast. Seriously, how’d you do that? Help a Quartz out. I thought _I_ was fast, girl, but you were barely out before you were back in action.”

Honestly, Jasper doesn’t know how she managed it. Her reformation time is quick for a Quartz, but to reform after just a few moments like that was something she didn’t think any Gem was capable of. Especially a warrior Gem. There’s a reason they take longer than a Peridot or an Aquamarine to reform – they need to build back up their strength so that they can fight again. Frankly, she feels awful, exhausted and bruised and bleeding. She’s not sure she _should_ have reformed so quickly, but it was out of her control.

But even if she did know, she would never share it with _them_.

“Like I would tell you, you disgusting traitor!”

The Amethyst reels back. “Yo, chill. You know we could totally just shatter you right now, right?” She makes some absurd motion with her stupid, grubby little hands, and clicks her tongue.

“Amethyst,” the Garnet says in a warning tone.

“Fine, sure, whatever. Be nice to the Homeworld soldier who tried to kills us and called me a disgusting traitor, cool.”

The Garnet turns to Jasper. “She’s in our temple. Follow me.” And she starts walking away without another word.

Jasper briefly considers her options. Contacting Homeworld would. Probably be the best option. But she knows with a cold certainty that they very well may have her abandon Ruby, come back to base to regroup. By the time they got back, the Rebels may have moved, or finished whatever horrible things they would do to her. This is her best chance at recovering her. And she needs to recover her. Even if it goes against a direct – no, it’s not going against a direct order, because the Diamonds don’t know, they didn’t order her to come back to base – no, pathetic excuses, she _knows_ and they would know-

Jasper gets up. It’s harder than it should be, pyhysically. God, she really took it out of herself reforming so fast.

“You can’t be _serious,_ Garnet!” the Pearl shrieks. “You’re taking _her_ to our _base_?!”

“Trust me,” the Garnet says. The Pearl huffs and charges ahead, mumbling frantically to herself.

Interesting. Discord within their ranks. The Garnet certainly seems to be the leader – which stops Jasper in her tracks when she realizes what this means. How could they respect a cross-Gem fusion so much? Impossible. Insane. But, they did, enough make her the leader. And yet, each of them felt more than comfortable voicing their complaints against her. Even the _Pearl_ , against the _leader_. And the Garnet is comfortable rebuffing them, without using force or harshness. After thousands of years, their numbers hadn’t grown, and their affect had gotten so … weak. Jasper can’t make sense of it.

To their base, then.

Jasper follows. She knows they’re ready to turn on her at a moment’s notice. She can almost feel the Garnet watching her out of the corner of her eye, waiting for her to charge or draw a weapon. As if she had the strength. The Garnet could easily crush her right now, and they both know it. Jasper feels herself building her strength back up, but not nearly quickly enough to do anything meaningful, and much slower than she would if she were still in her Gem form.

Around halfway there, the Garnet falls behind so that she’s walking with Jasper.

“We didn’t shatter Pink Diamond,” she says quietly.

Jasper is too tired to be infuriated. She could be lying, of course, but at this point it seems pointless. Why defend herself like this when they so clearly have the upper hand? If this is a trap, Jasper can’t understand it. They might be leading her to be tortured alongside Ruby, but she can’t imagine why they would lie about this along the way.

“Then who did? Are you telling me that Homeworld is lying to me?”

“Homeworld wasn’t there. Things are more complicated than they realize. We tried to explain but they refused to listen. They want someone to blame.”

“Explain to me, then.”

The Garnet is quiet for a long while, and the only sound is their footsteps. The Amethyst turns to look back at them. Jasper wonders if she can hear their conversation.

“A faction of our Gems went rogue. Our leader tried to bring them back. It was … confusing. Complicated. There was so much fighting on every side. We only heard about Pink Diamond afterwards.”

Jasper wonders if her memory was wrong. She thought she remembered the Garnet in that fusion, clear as day. But before she’d seen her, she’d forgotten about her entirely. Maybe she had fabricated it. Or maybe the rebels are tricking her, trying to get her to betray Homeworld through lies and slander. She has to be on her guard. Why is she finding their charms so appealing? Why does she want to believe everything they say?

She doesn’t respond to the Garnet. She expects further confrontation, but nothing comes. She doesn’t ask her if she believes it, which is good, because Jasper doesn’t know if she does.

They walk the rest of the way back in silence. Jasper has more than enough time to think about the fact that this Garnet is a fusion. All the time. She _is_ a fusion. Jasper hadn’t even let herself dream of that when she was in Citrine. But she’d love it, wouldn’t she? If she didn’t ever have to be apart from Ruby? It would be a dream.

The Garnet opens the door to their base and lets Jasper in. She follows the rebels into the inner chamber of their temple, where the trappings look markedly less human and more Homeworld. It’s ancient technology. Jasper hasn’t seen these kinds of winding mazes of rooms and pocket dimensions in centuries. Which means, she realizes, that they haven’t upgraded since then. Meaning that a) they were incredibly weak and susceptible to attack, and b) that they were really just making do with what they had and not disturbing anyone or anything.

Maybe it would be best to leave them alone. Maybe-

And go against direct orders from the Diamonds? No. But the thought of shattering them, after this, after all this talking and after they willingly brought Jasper into the heart of their temple … Jasper can’t. She doesn’t want to. The thought of betraying that trust is almost as bad as the thought of betraying the Diamonds.

 She hates this.

She decides that, if anything, she’ll challenge them to a rematch outside. She’ll give them enough time to form up a fusion, and take them on alone.

A death wish?

Garnet leads her to a room filled with hundreds of harvested Gems, and Jasper’s blood freezes. Almost like she can read her mind, Garnet speaks.

“They’re not harvested. They’re bubbled. They’re violent, most of them corrupted. It’s not a perfect solution, but they aren’t in any pain.”

She hands Jasper a garnet-colored bubble with Ruby’s gem inside of it. Just hands it over to her.

“Garnet, what are you _doing?_ ” the Pearl shrieks. “They’re going to kill us! In the heart of the temple!”

“Just wait.”

Jasper is shocked into inaction, but even if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t know what to do with the bubble. Again, the Garnet seems to read her mind – probably has some precognizance somewhere in that fusion, which opens up a whole new set of questions about what she’s planning and how she thinks Jasper will respond – and swipes her hand over the top. Jasper repeats the motion, and the bubble disintegrates, dropping Ruby’s gem to the floor. Jasper watches her reform in a matter of seconds.

She’s immediately on guard. She manifests her gauntlet and assess the situation quickly.

“We’ve been taken prisoner? We failed?”

“You’re free to go,” the Garnet says.

“Uh, G-man, I’mma have to stop you there, is that really-“

“The change is already started within them,” she responds, and Jasper can’t see where her eyes are looking from behind her shades, but somehow she knows she has them fixed on her, and she feels the weight of the truth in her statement.

“The change? What the-“

“Jasper,” Ruby says. She sounds tired, but okay, alive. Jasper fights the ridiculous urge to hold her hand, or hug her, or something similarly asinine. “Follow me,” she says, looking sideways at the rebels.

She leads Jasper to the far side of the room. Everyone watches each other. Jasper can hear the Rebels bickering amongst each other, but she can’t make out anything in particular that they’re saying. Which means they won’t hear the two of them. Good. They can have some small modicum of privacy.

Ruby leans in close. “What’s going on? Can we trust them?”

“I… I don’t think this is a trap. They could have shattered us both multiple times by now. Unless Earth has warped them so thoroughly that they love elaborate tricks, I… I think we can trust them.”

“Hmm.” The Ruby looks over at them, this pathetic, rag-rag group of defected Gems that betrayed Homeworld but let their would-be killers go without interrogation. With precognizance, was this really the best route to take to suit their aims? Then what in the world did that mean about their aims? “I don’t like this,” she says, low and gravelly.

“I don’t either.”

Ruby reaches out to brush Jasper’s arm – when did a casual touch become such a _thing_ – and the next thing she knows she’s taller, her head bumping against the ceiling, and listening to the Pearl’s panicked shrieks. And then she’s back on the floor again, separate and cold and alone.

“What was _that?_ Why did you fuse?” the Pearl demands.

“P, calm down, I don’t think they can control it.” She lowers her voice and says something that Jasper can’t make out.

“ _Cute?!_ They’re _fusing_ into a _weapon of war_ in _her_ sacred sanctuary!”

“They’re unfused.” The Garnet’s words stop the rest of the rebels in their tracks. She walks over to Ruby and Jasper, and points at the door.

Jasper helps Ruby up – she’d had more time than Jasper had to reform, but she’s still weak, Jasper can see how much she’s struggling to maintain her physical form and not poof again. She makes an effort to not fuse again when they touch, and actually manages it, even though she feels herself tingling with the desire. It’s like their molecules just want to be together, forming something new.

They’re halfway to the door when they hear an alien voice.

“Wait! You can’t just send them off! Where will they go?”

Jasper looks up and sees a tiny little human captive standing in the doorway. Interesting, that he feels comfortable voicing dissent to the leader. Maybe not a captive after all.

“Steven. They don’t want to stay here.”

“How do you know? Did you ask them?”

The Garnet actually stops. Is she … taking orders from him? Is the human captive actually their leader? Jasper gives up trying to understand this. She just wants to leave.

“Show me the exit. Now.”

“Oh. Okay. I guess they do want to leave. Follow me, then.”

The human leads the way, and Jasper and Ruby follow. Jasper hears the Garnet following them a few steps back, quietly.

“I know I don’t know everything that’s going on, and I know you guys tried to attack us and kill us, but you seem really confused. And upset. Also, Garnet thinks it’s okay to let you go, so you’re probably not going to kill us all.”

“How long have you been their prisoner?” Ruby asks.

“Pr…prisoner? I’m not a prisoner. We’re family.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

He stops in his tracks and stares at them. “You don’t have family? Homeworld Gems don’t have family?”

“No, Steven. There are no families on Homeworld,” the Garnet says.

“What is family?” Jasper asks.

“It’s people you grow up with, or spend a lot of time with, who care about you, and you care about them. And there’s probably something else?”

The only Gem that Jasper has felt anything like that for is Ruby. And with Ruby, it’s more than just “care.” But she can’t just _say_ that, not the least to this human quasi-leader of the rebellion.

The two rebels lead them to the front of the temple and open the door. The human grabs Jasper’s hand and she realizes he has a Gem, too, somehow, but she has no idea what to make of that.

“If you guys need anything, you can come here any time.”

“No they can’t!” the Pearl says. The human doesn’t break eye contact with them.

“Yes you can. Any time.”

Jasper doesn’t respond, and neither does Ruby. She takes her hand back and the two of them make for the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna try and update this more frequently, sorry for the very long delay


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter to wrap things up! :)

Ruby follows Jasper as they walk down the beach. Neither of them speak. Jasper knows that Ruby probably saw and felt everything when they were fused for that split second in the temple. She knows everything.

That Jasper can’t kill the rebels.

And that she cares more about her than she cares about the Diamonds.

That if it means protecting Ruby, she’s completely willing to go against direct orders from Homeworld.

That she’s a sentimental, defective Gem not worth the air she breathes.

And that she hopes Ruby feels the same.

God. She’d hated those pathetic failures at the Zoo, the misshapen Amethysts and Carnelians. But she was always just overcompensating for what she knew was true, wasn’t she? She always knew she was a failure. She knew she was worse than them, more twisted in her mind than they were in their less-than-perfect shapes.

“I saw what happened,” Ruby says quietly. “When we were fused. I… felt everything.”

Jasper braces for it. Ruby will tell her how disappointed she is that Jasper is a traitor, unfit to serve Homeworld. Unfit for her company. Maybe she’ll want to shatter her herself, for being a defecting traitor, just like them. If anyone deserved to do it, it was Ruby.

“You… the Diamonds, you… You don’t…”

Jasper waits for it.

Ruby looks up at her. She looks distraught.

“I want to stay with you,” she says.

Jasper swallows. She almost doesn’t want to believe it, because it’s too good to be true. But when she looks at Ruby, her expression is open and vulnerable.

“You do?”

Ruby opens her mouth and closes it a few times. From the light of the half-moon over the ocean, Jasper can see that she’s blushing.

“I don’t want to exterminate the Rebels,” she says finally, her words tripping over each other. “I don’t want to go against the Diamonds. But it feels so wrong. Something’s fishy. Something’s off.”

Jasper nods. That’s about exactly how she feels about the Rebels. She wonders if maybe her thoughts imprinted on Ruby when they were fused, if maybe Ruby wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss them if she hadn’t been enmeshed in her defective mind. It’s an uncomfortable train of thought. She doesn’t want to follow it.

It feels like something is still hanging in the air, but she doesn’t know what to say. Ruby breaks the silence.

 “If we go back to Homeworld, they’ll separate us,” Ruby says quietly. “And they might punish us. You, especially. For failing the mission, you know?” Jasper nods. It’s true. Ruby’s voice gets quieter as she goes on. “But I. Don’t even care as much about that. I care more about being with you.” Ruby looks away. “It’s weird, uh, sharing a mind with you. I feel like I already know how you’ll think about this. But, tell me anyways?”

“I… feel the same.” Jasper has a hard time getting the words out. Fusion is easier. She vastly prefers just having all her thoughts and feelings shared directly into Ruby’s head, and acting as one instead of making her own words and decisions. But Ruby wants this, so she has to try. “I want to stay with you. I don’t care how that happens. I… I thought you would hate me for it.”

Ruby laughs. “I probably should. I guess you’re not the only defective cut.”

They look at the waves for a few awkward moments. Jasper understands, theoretically, why waves happen. She knows about the movements of the earth and the currents running deep in the ocean. But looking at it in person is something different. None of her theoretical knowledge had prepared her to understand any of this.

 “So what now?” Ruby asks. “Do we stay here? Do we go somewhere else? What if Homeworld sends for us?”

“I guess we’ll just figure it out. Together.”

Ruby smiles a little uncertain smile. Jasper smiles back. With a warm feeling in her chest, she reaches her hand out. Ruby takes it, and there’s a flash of light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was fun, hope y'all enjoyed it! :)
> 
> i miiiiiiight continue this but very uncertain about it


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